My Life Be Like

so since I’ve written on here last. things have turned around, walked in the other direction, then all of a sudden come back. I really cant express my feelings towards my ex-girlfriend, and people say that your feelings go after a week or two. mine are still firmly in place, and havent changed a bit about her. 

Im sorry for what I’ve done to her, morally im a complete bastard and shouldnt have her back. but for some reason its gone from; never wanting to talk to me, to talking to me, to sleeping together, and now talking about maybe being with eachother in the future.

Im happy its all coming back now. slowly but surely, and i still care about her deeply. I just want to call her mine again. of course Ill shower her with love and affection, gifts and support. But i want her back again and ill work as hard as i can for it.

 

just want to end

looks like this girlfriend thing is the worst… had a fight last night and don’t know weather or not a kid from my grade is hitting on her or trying to be her friend. fuck i hate life right now? why doesn’t it come with a reset button? or a warning thing saying “dont go into it you’re only going to get hurt”

she said she has has a problem with her heart and had to see a doctor today? “heart murmur” or something. she said its been happening for 2 weeks where her hearts starts hurting and shes getting chest pains…. funnily enough we broke up 2 weeks ago. i feel compelled to say “heart telling you something?” i hope it is because i want her back badly. it hurts more and more each day… thought it’d go after a week? NOPE, it stays with you like a bad smell.

i hate this, i hate my life right now and i want it to all go back to how it was. 

sooo… talked to my ex tonight.. she said she wanted to get with a friend so shed get back at me for lying for that year. Like thats gonna solve anything? i swear to god i will hit him tomorrow…. i hate people like that. i have no idea what to do now and how to go about this. she said she wants time ill give her time… im willing to do anything to have her in my arms again. its sad really but shes the love of my life. what can you do?

better news… got asked to apply for a different job in the air force. this one gives a bit less pay but $7000 a month towards flying hours…yewww

i hope things work out…

So on the bus going home because the ADF didn’t accept me for my job preference. However seeing as next year all I want to do is leave the house ill be applying for another job. This one stakes 4 years then I can go into ATC. so looks like ill be doing that. Which.means another day like.this just without the disappointment.

My life at the moment sucks. No girl. No dream job.

What next?